In partnership with CBSSports.com
Online Now 862
Online now 700 Record: 10904 (2/4/2012)
The place to discuss inside information, the latest rumors and scoop on the Buckeyes
Anything and everything football related that has to do with your Buckeyes
If it's football recruiting, OSU-style, it's cussed and discussed here
Talk a little Buckeye basketball with your fellow Ohio State hoopsters
You have no favorite boards.
The most viewed topics.
The most replied to topics.
The most up-voted topics.
The most down-voted topics.
The most up-voted posters.
The most down-voted posters.
The most followed posters.
This is a very personal topic and might be better suited for some PM messaging, but here it goes...
I am 30 years old and my wife and I had our first son on 2-28-12. We were fighting and not getting along for the last few months of the pregnancy and sadly we agreed it was best to take some time apart and she moved to Ft.Wayne with her parents and I stayed in Dayton.
Neither one of us were sure what was going to happen after that and while we both said we wanted to work things out we never did. We finalized the divorce in October. The first months of my sons life I was not a good father, and I am tearing up now saying this but it is true. I was scared of fatherhood and didn't go up to see my son often. By June I was starting to have a change of heart and was going up to visit him every other weekend.
I talked to my ex-wife about working things and getting back together, but the hurt I caused her was too much and there isn't an hour that goes by that I don't regret my inactions and the way things turned out.
So ever since June I have been going up to Fort Wayne every other weekend and I stay with her and her parents so I can spend time with my baby boy. Her parents, while I know it can't be easy, have been very accomodating to me.
Because I wasn't in my sons life like I should have been in the beginning it was agreed that it would be better to ease him into visiting me. A few weeks ago for the first time I met the ex halfway and had my son for a weekend. It was the best weekend of my life.
And while I admit I was a shitty human being and a horrible father in the beginning, I can now say I love being my son's father and all I think about now is moving up to Fort Wayne so I can spend more time with my boy.
Without a college degree and with no friends, and no family I know it's going to be really tough. My hope is eventually my ex will be comfortable with split custody. My son absolutely loves being with me, and while I can't change the mistakes I have made in the past I sure hope I can do things the right way from here on out.
I am so scared right now about the future. What I know for sure is I love my son more than anyone I have ever loved before, and it hurts so bad when I only get to see him bi-weekly. I am hoping to find a decent job, get a small house, make some friends, and, most importantly, live close enough to the ex that we can split custody. She has said to me I have a lot to work on and prove to her before she would consider that, and for as much hurt as I caused early in her pregancy as well as after she had our son, I only think it's fair that I prove myself to be a good father.
So the last year has been absolute turmoil in my life. I went from being married with a baby on the way, to wife and son moving 3 hours away from me, all within a few months. It's been an emotional rollercoaster.
And though I absolutely adore my son, it's been a real rough year for me.
I have never cried so much in my life as I have the last few months.
Has anyone here ever gone through something like this? Like I said it is clear to me what I need to do to make myself happy. I must move to Fort Wayne so I can be with my son. He is all that matters to me. And while I can live with making much less money than I do in Dayton (making about 50k per year as an optician, they usually earn about 12 bucks per hour), and I can learn to make friends (though I hate the bar scene and have had the same 2-3 friends since high school), it's all of the unknown that I am truly scared of.
I'm not sure what I am wanting in this rant of mine, maybe advice or just some encouragement, but I decided to post it on Bucknuts because there is such a huge community here.
Anyone here gone through a nasty divorce with kids? Anyone here ever move to a strange new city with literally nothing there for you? I am just really scared right now and need to talk to someone.
Please, if there is anyone here who can talk with me PM me or respond in here. Thank you.
No divorce here, but it sounds like you have a good plan and that perhaps you have grown a lot in the last few months.
You can't change the past all you can do is learn from it. So work to have the best relationship with your son you can, if that means moving to Ft. Wayne, well it doesn't sound like you have a lot of attachments.
You are still young, so don't make the same mistakes in the future.
Oh yeah, bars are NOT good places to make friends.
While I don't necessarily have a good answer for u, I will offer the encouragement you spoke of. The first step in fixing a mistake is to admit that you made one. And it sounds like you have done that. I don't know where your faith lies, but God was not surprised by these events and will see you through them. If you feel that strongly about moving there to be with your son, then trust Him to meet your needs and do what you can to make it happen. Good luck to you and cherish every moment you get with your son. I have three sons that I see every day and situations like yours help remind me how blessed I truly am. Prayers for you my friend.
My daughter is just a couple months younger than your son. Understand the joys of being with your child and the anguish of thinking about not being in their life every day.
You will have to forgive yourself for missing out on your sons first month or so. I’m sure it made things tougher for your ex but didn’t really matter for your son. As much as I enjoyed holding my daughter that first month I gotta admit she needed her mom for the milk and I wasn’t all that much use other than providing some warmth which she could have gotten from an electrical blanket. I know your joy in seeing how your son enjoys your company. I love coming home and seeing my daughter’s excited smile and squeals.
Perhaps you can look for jobs in Ft Wayne while continuing to live in Dayton for a bit. Hopefully you won’t have to take a job at half the pay. You don’t’ have to patch things up with your ex to get back together, but you do in terms of raising your child together. She will need to give a bit too.
You will meet new friends, but don’t forget the ones back in Dayton, they sound like friends for life. I’m actually from Dayton too, but live out in the San Francisco area now. Actually met some of my closest friends at a sports bar here, but there are plenty of other ways to meet people and maybe find a good friend.
This thread perfectly dictates why I will never have a kid, god willing. Man and Woman fighting during pregnancy = Woman automatically gets full custody. And then the woman uses the kid as a trump card over the man for the rest of her life. "I carried this kid for nine months and had it ripped from my loins, that is MY KID!!", etc.
Yes the OP admits to not having been the best father, but for all we know, the woman could have been the nastiest bitch ever, but of course the courts dont care do they.
This post was edited by BlockOFanatic 14 months ago
Send your ex this post.
I understand completely. I had a child with my high school girlfriend and I left for the Navy before he was born. There is not a moment that goes by that I don't regret not being a better father. Almost twenty three years later he has become a good man. I wasn't always able to be there for him but because he had a great mom he has done well. Make sure you do whatever you have to do to be near your son. I wish I would have tried harder. There will be times when you feel like you are in an impossible situation and those are the times that you must try harder. Make sure as he grows you tell him you love him. And never talk bad about his mom in front of him. I don't care if she is the meanest person ever. Good luck in your decisions going forward you sound like you are on the right track.
Before you quit your job, because it is going to take a lot of money to raise your child, make sure that your ex is not planning on leaving Fort Wayne. If she is not now, she will seek child support and it will be tough making payments without a good job. Good luck.
In regards to the custody of your child...start documenting everything right now.
- Dates and times of visits.
- Phone conversations
- Anything odd or unusual that your son says
- Any bruises, cuts, abraisions on your son's body I don't mean to imply anything about your wife, but having notes on those kinds of things may help in the long run
Know why "hilarious" is such a funny word? Because it's hilarious.
In the early stages of a infants life it is hard to connect with a child as a man....They require their mothers far greater than the father. As a father of two (4 yr daughter and 1 yr son) I noticed my role ever changing through the various phases of a child life. The best advise I can give you is just be there for them. You wont handle most of the personal conversations and that is normal for most men. Just always be there and set the best example that you can. Pettiness, bickering and arguements will impact your childs upbring more then you know. Best to remain above board and set an example of strength, courage and forgiveness. As your child grows they will see those traits and confide and rely on you more. Relationships take time and nourishing. Sounds like you are willing to except both. You are one the right track.
As far as the job prospects. I bounced around three different jobs in my twenties not making great money and trying to find something I wanted to do. There are highs and lows. I started my own business at 30 and while difficult initially, things are much better now. Stay grounded, work hard and keep your kids close because a year from now you may be very surprised where your life will take you. In a good way. Best of luck
I am 38. My daughter is now 12 but I went through a divorce when she was 4. Toughest thing I have ever done. I am now remarried and have a 5 yr old and a 4 yr old. My daughter lives roughly 1.5 hours away. I have some thoughts and encouragement for how my own story turned out if you want to PM. Either way, keep your head up, your son needs you!
Cleveland Orchestra Baby!! World's greatest!! The Brown's wet dream is to be them. The Ohio State University-Where the Illibuck Lives!
You know what? I used to do that. I'm 8 years into my fight. My local court could care less about that, and if I didn't do it, they would use it against me. I'm telling you most domestic courts are corrupt and incompetent.
247Sports In partnership with CBS Sports