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Did I act like a jerk?

  • Ok so I coach a lot of youth sports head coach football, baseball, basketball and been asst coach also.
    I was asked to be a asst soccer coach last year since the head coach had no assistants. I played football, baseball and basketball so it was easy.For soccer I had to go to seminars , watch a ton of soccer
    ( because I like it now after I hated it before my kids chose to play 8 years ago) I take them to camps and footskills and pick these professional coaches, hs coaches brains etc....

    However soccer parents are a different breed of ppl from Football parents.So we start this gm home team provides the ball and they score quickly and go up 1-0 then we notice they are using size 5 ball (hs& NCAA& pros use this size) ae kids are 11 and suppose to use size 4 .so that's all we ever use practice and gm. The field is small and not regulation size to start with we're in Parma vrs these Russians so when the ball goes out of bounds we yell to ref its the wrong size ball their coach is arguing being a jerk saying its the right size . So I over yell its not and he says show me in the rules So I'm walking towards him with my iphone4 and I'm yelling I got the rules right here pal. Our head coach and others must have thought I would punch him so they stop me and say its not a big deal and tell me to leave the sideline and two of the dads were mad at how I acted but yet I was right and had the rules from the website and this guy started the yelling and don't know what he is talkin about. I'm sticking up for our kids . I guess I could have argued without yelling like him but I'm fighting for our kids and what's right. They had us on a small field ( hurt us cuz our kids are faster and stronger) then were uncomfortable using a ball size we never used . What's wrong with yelling?

    Then this Russian coach acted dumb all gm and our head coach had to tell at him because this coach wanted to see our goalies birth certificate and was trying to talk to our kid which is not allowed. Our kids have been carded and the ref had all proper paperwork the certificate is on file and we don't have to show the bum nothin . So when they are arguing they parents all thought when I wAlked back over I'm going to fight them I just simply had our kids leave the field so the kids never shook hands because the head coaches were arguing so I didn't want the kids around and if something did pop off I got my head coaches back.

    So how am I a jerk? Some parents amaze me just because I don't take crap and I got a Cadillac on 20s don't make me a GangstA.

    TRU JDUB

  • TRU JDUB said...

    Ok so I coach a lot of youth sports head coach football, baseball, basketball and been asst coach also.
    I was asked to be a asst soccer coach last year since the head coach had no assistants. I played football, baseball and basketball so it was easy.For soccer I had to go to seminars , watch a ton of soccer
    ( because I like it now after I hated it before my kids chose to play 8 years ago) I take them to camps and footskills and pick these professional coaches, hs coaches brains etc....

    However soccer parents are a different breed of ppl from Football parents.So we start this gm home team provides the ball and they score quickly and go up 1-0 then we notice they are using size 5 ball (hs& NCAA& pros use this size) ae kids are 11 and suppose to use size 4 .so that's all we ever use practice and gm. The field is small and not regulation size to start with we're in Parma vrs these Russians so when the ball goes out of bounds we yell to ref its the wrong size ball their coach is arguing being a jerk saying its the right size . So I over yell its not and he says show me in the rules So I'm walking towards him with my iphone4 and I'm yelling I got the rules right here pal. Our head coach and others must have thought I would punch him so they stop me and say its not a big deal and tell me to leave the sideline and two of the dads were mad at how I acted but yet I was right and had the rules from the website and this guy started the yelling and don't know what he is talkin about. I'm sticking up for our kids . I guess I could have argued without yelling like him but I'm fighting for our kids and what's right. They had us on a small field ( hurt us cuz our kids are faster and stronger) then were uncomfortable using a ball size we never used . What's wrong with yelling?

    Then this Russian coach acted dumb all gm and our head coach had to tell at him because this coach wanted to see our goalies birth certificate and was trying to talk to our kid which is not allowed. Our kids have been carded and the ref had all proper paperwork the certificate is on file and we don't have to show the bum nothin . So when they are arguing they parents all thought when I wAlked back over I'm going to fight them I just simply had our kids leave the field so the kids never shook hands because the head coaches were arguing so I didn't want the kids around and if something did pop off I got my head coaches back.

    So how am I a jerk? Some parents amaze me just because I don't take crap and I got a Cadillac on 20s don't make me a GangstA.

    You're an f-tard for caring about letting other people make you second guess yourself, I didnt even read the whole book you wrote. IMHO FTW

    signature image

    I dream of a day when chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

    Gfortress5

  • These kids are 11. I think that's the key here, let them play I say. Just my opinion though.

    DocBonez

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    pburger

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    CaptainMorgan

  • I'm not second guessing myself I think I'm right even if 90% of the world thinks I'm wrong it was a heat of the battle thing.

    Just think soccer vrs football mentality is different wondered what my Buckeye diehards thought

    TRU JDUB

  • TRU JDUB said...

    I'm not second guessing myself I think I'm right even if 90% of the world thinks I'm wrong it was a heat of the battle thing.

    Just think soccer vrs football mentality is different wondered what my Buckeye diehards thought

    One difference is based on the level of play. Higher quality travel teams are more similar to HS football crowds. The "crowd" (and refs) usually knows more about the game as compared to "house league" crowds (refs). A coach in the house league shouldn't have the same "intensity" as a travel coach.

    pburger

  • I think not yelling would have better for sure. I think you had every right to walk across the field and uphold the leagur rules. I had trouble with parents in 5th and 6th grade baseball, sad but I almost expected it in this day and age. I was blown away that I had trouble with a parent in 4 and 5 year old flag football last season. He was made I said something about a player on the other team was drive blocking on the other team. The ref called the played back that was a TD (That he did not have to do, he was working by himself, when there is normally two refs but they were short one, they work on a volunteer basis.) I thought maybe a parent or sibling had taught the kid to do this with no harmful intent not understanding the rules. As the game went I saw a lot of dirty things taking place( Shoving before pulling the flag and shoving are kids to the ground multiple times as they tried to get up note: the other coach never addressed this) from the other team. It was taught not an accident. The parent got in my face after the game about the situation. I never yelled just said I'm sorry you feel that way, thank for coming out and have a safe trip home. The dad came and got in my face I just kept repeating saying good game thanks for coming out be careful getting home. The parent went and got in another coach on our teams face and shoved him ( I'm thinking it was because I am 6'4 250. Then he got in my face again to which I just if you want to leave in cop car in front of your kid keep it up. He eventually after a couple of redneck statements gave up. My mind was blown all week. I play in a league that is in one of best areas of Dayton. White trash idiots are everywhere.

    daytonbuckeye47610

  • Well I should have let him be the only one yelling but I was right so I just got louder. I held my phone up walkin towards him so our coach was just makin sure I didn't go off on him.i wasn't going to but thought parents should be supportive all I did was demand the proper ball and everybody yells so I thought it wasn't a big deal. I plan to not yell and go overboard seems like soccer is diff when football coaches yell it's normal and my parents say nothing.

    Soccer has different edicate (sp?) and I haven't bought into that part yet.

    TRU JDUB

  • My daughter plays high school soccer so I am very familiar with how parents act. Im guessing the way you approached the situation (walking over to the opposing coach) looked like an act of physical confrontation. While I understand your stance on the rules and you're right, it does no good to approach the other coach. Why not approach the refs and explain your complaint?

    How did your players react to your actions? Just curious.

    This post was edited by ddrouillard on 4/15/2012 at 11:48 AM

    ddrouillard

  • When that's the question you are asking you already know the answer.

    PCL

  • I've coached youth sports for a number of years, mostly football and lacrosse. One thing I've seen is that kids (even at eighth grade) can really get unsettled when adults - especially coaches - raise their voices with each other. They usually don't fully understand the situation, since they weren't paying attention until people started yelling. All they know is something is wrong.

    As I head coach I usually set the ground rules as far as who can talk to the refs or the other team's coach. Usually that list is pretty short, just me. My advice is ask your HC how he wants communication to be handled. Then let him know if you see something that needs to be raised to the refs during the game. Whenever there is a disagreement, its a bad idea to directly address coaches, players or parents on the other team. Let the refs handle it and address it with the league if they don't handle it correctly.

    NetBuck

  • What do your wife and kids think?

    Other than that who cares what other people think. The fact that you appear to be second guessing yourself or seeking more opinions, you probbly feel like you my have been somewhat out of line. I always tell my wife, I only know how to be me, some people LOVE me and some can't stand ME, Oh Well, I'm comfortable in my own skin..

    This post was edited by Griffinfeb on 4/15/2012 at 12:44 PM

    Griffinfeb

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    azvalleybuckeye

  • TRU JDUB said...

    Ok so I coach a lot of youth sports head coach football, baseball, basketball and been asst coach also. I was asked to be a asst soccer coach last year since the head coach had no assistants. I played football, baseball and basketball so it was easy.For soccer I had to go to seminars , watch a ton of soccer ( because I like it now after I hated it before my kids chose to play 8 years ago) I take them to camps and footskills and pick these professional coaches, hs coaches brains etc....

    However soccer parents are a different breed of ppl from Football parents.So we start this gm home team provides the ball and they score quickly and go up 1-0 then we notice they are using size 5 ball (hs& NCAA& pros use this size) ae kids are 11 and suppose to use size 4 .so that's all we ever use practice and gm. The field is small and not regulation size to start with we're in Parma vrs these Russians so when the ball goes out of bounds we yell to ref its the wrong size ball their coach is arguing being a jerk saying its the right size . So I over yell its not and he says show me in the rules So I'm walking towards him with my iphone4 and I'm yelling I got the rules right here pal. Our head coach and others must have thought I would punch him so they stop me and say its not a big deal and tell me to leave the sideline and two of the dads were mad at how I acted but yet I was right and had the rules from the website and this guy started the yelling and don't know what he is talkin about. I'm sticking up for our kids . I guess I could have argued without yelling like him but I'm fighting for our kids and what's right. They had us on a small field ( hurt us cuz our kids are faster and stronger) then were uncomfortable using a ball size we never used . What's wrong with yelling?

    Then this Russian coach acted dumb all gm and our head coach had to tell at him because this coach wanted to see our goalies birth certificate and was trying to talk to our kid which is not allowed. Our kids have been carded and the ref had all proper paperwork the certificate is on file and we don't have to show the bum nothin . So when they are arguing they parents all thought when I wAlked back over I'm going to fight them I just simply had our kids leave the field so the kids never shook hands because the head coaches were arguing so I didn't want the kids around and if something did pop off I got my head coaches back.

    So how am I a jerk? Some parents amaze me just because I don't take crap and I got a Cadillac on 20s don't make me a GangstA.

    I know where you are coming from. I too have a very strong sense of fairness. Even though you were right in pointing out the mistake, sometimes being right is not relevant. In this instance, probably what you should have done is instead of trying to directly correct the staff, you instead bring it to the attention of the coaching staff and let them make the call. This does two things. It absolves you of the responsibility of notifying someone that something unfair is being done. You did your job in informing the proper people. If its acted upon isn't your call. If the coaches feel like it is something that effects game play and the outcome then they will say something.

    Kids sports are often nasty but normally it has nothing at all to do with the kids. Its always the adults and the egos they bring with them that ruin kid sports.

    Again, nothing wrong with you correcting them. The only thing I would question would be your mode for delivery.

    "The only thing That Team Up North will be tasting this year is the salty tears of defeat" - UFM

    Gobucks187TTUN

  • You can still use this as a "coaching moment" for your team.

    pburger

  • NetBuck said...

    I've coached youth sports for a number of years, mostly football and lacrosse. One thing I've seen is that kids (even at eighth grade) can really get unsettled when adults - especially coaches - raise their voices with each other. They usually don't fully understand the situation, since they weren't paying attention until people started yelling. All they know is something is wrong.

    As I head coach I usually set the ground rules as far as who can talk to the refs or the other team's coach. Usually that list is pretty short, just me. My advice is ask your HC how he wants communication to be handled. Then let him know if you see something that needs to be raised to the refs during the game. Whenever there is a disagreement, its a bad idea to directly address coaches, players or parents on the other team. Let the refs handle it and address it with the league if they don't handle it correctly.

    Well said NetBuck! Unfortunately I would have probably done the same thing if someone was yelling at me, but as a coach you have to think about what is going on with the kids. They are just playing a game and all of the sudden 2 adults are yelling and walking towards each other.

    Evern though the Russian douche started yelling we have to be smarter than an fuzzy little foreigner. How come the coach didn't call a timeout and explain the bullshit to the refs? This way there is a supposed non biased 3rd party to mediate the situation. You were right about using the smaller ball and the use of a smaller field to constraint other teams that are faster is BS. They should have expanded it to regular size or payed it at different place

    signature image

    Keyser Soze

  • ddrouillard said...

    My daughter plays high school soccer so I am very familiar with how parents act. Im guessing the way you approached the situation (walking over to the opposing coach) looked like an act of physical confrontation. While I understand your stance on the rules and you're right, it does no good to approach the other coach. Why not approach the refs and explain your complaint?

    How did your players react to your actions? Just curious.

    I'm going to apologize to kids and explain why I did it and how I could have handled it better and make myself run a lap. I think they thought I was right and no big deal because they told us it was a size 5 to begin with honestly we didn't notice till they said something.

    My son was left striker so he was far away he said he thought I was showing him rule and was no big deal and didn't understand why I left sideline ( head coaches call ) and he didn't play very well after that I wish I was on sideline to encourage him face to face. We just played a gm before that gm earlier that day and he played well and scored a goal.

    TRU JDUB

  • NetBuck said...

    I've coached youth sports for a number of years, mostly football and lacrosse. One thing I've seen is that kids (even at eighth grade) can really get unsettled when adults - especially coaches - raise their voices with each other. They usually don't fully understand the situation, since they weren't paying attention until people started yelling. All they know is something is wrong.

    As I head coach I usually set the ground rules as far as who can talk to the refs or the other team's coach. Usually that list is pretty short, just me. My advice is ask your HC how he wants communication to be handled. Then let him know if you see something that needs to be raised to the refs during the game. Whenever there is a disagreement, its a bad idea to directly address coaches, players or parents on the other team. Let the refs handle it and address it with the league if they don't handle it correctly.

    I addressed the ref but the other coach started yellin was mad I messed up flow of the gm but it was a throw in not mid play and it was his fault he knowingly used wrong ball and then not only yelled but said show Kevin the rules which is exactly what I was doing before I was stopped by our head coach who said calm down etc... This was our first day in the league gaasa up in Akron area although this team was in parma.

    TRU JDUB

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    BuckeyeSteves

  • Griffinfeb said...

    What do your wife and kids think?

    Other than that who cares what other people think. The fact that you appear to be second guessing yourself or seeking more opinions, you probbly feel like you my have been somewhat out of line. I always tell my wife, I only know how to be me, some people LOVE me and some can't stand ME, Oh Well, I'm comfortable in my own skin..

    I'm glad my wife isn't there she has no clue about any sport so she will agree with majority of our parents based off past experience

    TRU JDUB

  • Keyser Soze said...

    Well said NetBuck! Unfortunately I would have probably done the same thing if someone was yelling at me, but as a coach you have to think about what is going on with the kids. They are just playing a game and all of the sudden 2 adults are yelling and walking towards each other.

    Evern though the Russian douche started yelling we have to be smarter than an fuzzy little foreigner. How come the coach didn't call a timeout and explain the bullshit to the refs? This way there is a supposed non biased 3rd party to mediate the situation. You were right about using the smaller ball and the use of a smaller field to constraint other teams that are faster is BS. They should have expanded it to regular size or payed it at different place

    One think that sucks about soccer is no timeouts ! We didn't have anything to measure the field with but if they cancelled the gm because of that either they would forfeit which limits our experience of actually playing or reschedule and we drive far coshocton to parma is 2 hours or more

    TRU JDUB

  • Been down this road so many times over the years with a number of my kids. Any time a parent takes the attention off the game at hand it is inevitably wrong. If it's the wrong size ball, it is the wrong size for both teams. Advantage gained probably not. If the field is not the right dimensions this can be a problem, especially a shortened field which takes away the advantages of a talented ball moving team. Advantage gained by challenging and not playing? None.. the kids just want to play. In soccer my experience is that the best coaches coach in practice. During the game they don't say much.

    The soccer community is just different. I would have told you 12 years ago that nothing, i repeat nothing would come between me and Ohio State football. Had been to every home game since my freshman year. Then two of my kids started playing soccer, started playing club ball and indoor ball, and the next thing you know I'm only attending a few games a year. Now that it's over I can tell you those soccer teams & families were some of the best years of my life. Good luck with your team coach.

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    Eddie George, Simply the best

    osufan

  • I would have done the same thing. Rules are rules, and it gets old when people try to cheat and teach dirty play. On the other hand, soccer is the dumbest sport in the world; and the reason every other county but the US cares about it....

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    juvy111

  • osufan said...

    Been down this road so many times over the years with a number of my kids. Any time a parent takes the attention off the game at hand it is inevitably wrong. If it's the wrong size ball, it is the wrong size for both teams. Advantage gained probably not. If the field is not the right dimensions this can be a problem, especially a shortened field which takes away the advantages of a talented ball moving team. Advantage gained by challenging and not playing? None.. the kids just want to play. In soccer my experience is that the best coaches coach in practice. During the game they don't say much.

    The soccer community is just different. I would have told you 12 years ago that nothing, i repeat nothing would come between me and Ohio State football. Had been to every home game since my freshman year. Then two of my kids started playing soccer, started playing club ball and indoor ball, and the next thing you know I'm only attending a few games a year. Now that it's over I can tell you those soccer teams & families were some of the best years of my life. Good luck with your team coach.

    It's the wrong size ball but obviously they train and use size 5 regularly otherwise they wouldn't have used it . We don't allow our kids to use or practice with size 5. These guys been playin soccer for years Just no way they didn't know what size to use and they didn't have good athletes just good footskills so that's why their field was too small problem is we got best athletes and footskills so that's why we have not lost many gms and won league titles last yr at u12& u14 and our kids were 9&10 last yr

    TRU JDUB

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