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BuckeyeSteves said...

Ok, here is my situation and I am in need of some advice.

I am in my mid-30's and am engaged to be married next spring. This is going to be my 2nd marriage. I am with a terrific woman who is a little younger then I (late 20's) and am encountering a problem. Back in May I noticed she was acting a bit odd. Not her positive, free-spirited self. I took as she was having a bad couple of days. Well one night I logged onto my computer and had noticed she left her e-mails up. I did not read a single e-mail, but I noticed the name of a guy she had mentioned to me from her past. This wasn't just a normal guy. They have been friends for over 10 years. This guys is married and has a family. However, apparently he is a deuche bag to his wife and cheats on her like crazy. Included in the cheating was a 2 month affair with my fiance before her and I had even met. I was wondering if her communication with this guy was the reason behind her change of attitude. Low and behold my question was answered for me. She talks in her sleep. And amongst her nightly conversation she was apparently talking to a guy with the same name as her former loverboy. I confronted her about it and she cracked like an egg. She told me the whole reason why she cut ties with him was because he coulnd't separate friendship from wanting to f*ck her all the time. He lives 3 hours away. I asked her if she reached out to him or he reached out to her. She told me he e-mailed her. I told her I thought she was lying (just at an attempt to call her bluff) and turns out she indeed contacted him. She assured me the contexts of there exchange was strictly platonic and told me she would tell him that out of respect for me they couldn't be friends. So I chalked it up as such.

Now fast forward to a couple of days ago. Her and I were sitting on the couch and she happened to lean back while texting on her phone and I noticed a phone # with the area code of where this jackass lives, however his name was conveniently NOT programmed into her phone. So I asked if she has had any contact with him. She looked me straight in the eye and said "No, I haven't.' I went in the other room. About a half hour later, she came into the room where I was and asked me what would prompt me to ask her that. I told her that while she leaned back I saw her phone with the area code of where this a$$hole lives. She then cracked like an egg again. However, this time she informed me that she now doesn't feel texting him is doing anything wrong. She kept ranting and raving about how they have been friends for years and have a lot in common and bs bs bs. I asked her to show me the text messages. She said she had erased them. I found it ironic that she only erased the messages from him, but no one else in her phone from that day. I asked her to put herself in my shoes. Better yet, put herself in her "friends" wifes shoes. Now I have been married once and she knows the reason my marriage collapsed is because I used to be that a$$hole and cheated on my wife every chance I had. She again kept saying "well, I am not you." And to say the least I am pissed. Pissed that I was not only lied to directly to my face, but now on more then one occasion and only about this dickweed. I have always made the comment that if it happened before I came along, I don't give a sh*t. Once she told me she has slept with somewhere around 15-16 guys I was not about to tell her I have been with 3 times that many women. Bottom line is, no matter my feelings, she doesn't view she has done anything wrong. She thinks having slept with him while he was married was acceptible behavior as well.

I guess at this point what I am trying to figure out is am I being to soft? I know nothing is going on between them in terms of anything "physical." She has a ton of dude friends, which I kind of like. But am I over thinking this? She now refuses to end her friendship with him even after hearing my wishes. What am I to do here? I am pissed beyond belief and I kind of feel betrayed and hurt.

Sorry for the long winded post, but any feedback would be appreciated. Oh yeah, did I mention her dad played football at tOSU...LOL

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BuckeyeSteves said...

Ok, here is my situation and I am in need of some advice.

I am in my mid-30's and am engaged to be married next spring. This is going to be my 2nd marriage. I am with a terrific woman who is a little younger then I (late 20's) and am encountering a problem. Back in May I noticed she was acting a bit odd. Not her positive, free-spirited self. I took as she was having a bad couple of days. Well one night I logged onto my computer and had noticed she left her e-mails up. I did not read a single e-mail, but I noticed the name of a guy she had mentioned to me from her past. This wasn't just a normal guy. They have been friends for over 10 years. This guys is married and has a family. However, apparently he is a deuche bag to his wife and cheats on her like crazy. Included in the cheating was a 2 month affair with my fiance before her and I had even met. I was wondering if her communication with this guy was the reason behind her change of attitude. Low and behold my question was answered for me. She talks in her sleep. And amongst her nightly conversation she was apparently talking to a guy with the same name as her former loverboy. I confronted her about it and she cracked like an egg. She told me the whole reason why she cut ties with him was because he coulnd't separate friendship from wanting to f*ck her all the time. He lives 3 hours away. I asked her if she reached out to him or he reached out to her. She told me he e-mailed her. I told her I thought she was lying (just at an attempt to call her bluff) and turns out she indeed contacted him. She assured me the contexts of there exchange was strictly platonic and told me she would tell him that out of respect for me they couldn't be friends. So I chalked it up as such.

Now fast forward to a couple of days ago. Her and I were sitting on the couch and she happened to lean back while texting on her phone and I noticed a phone # with the area code of where this jackass lives, however his name was conveniently NOT programmed into her phone. So I asked if she has had any contact with him. She looked me straight in the eye and said "No, I haven't.' I went in the other room. About a half hour later, she came into the room where I was and asked me what would prompt me to ask her that. I told her that while she leaned back I saw her phone with the area code of where this a$$hole lives. She then cracked like an egg again. However, this time she informed me that she now doesn't feel texting him is doing anything wrong. She kept ranting and raving about how they have been friends for years and have a lot in common and bs bs bs. I asked her to show me the text messages. She said she had erased them. I found it ironic that she only erased the messages from him, but no one else in her phone from that day. I asked her to put herself in my shoes. Better yet, put herself in her "friends" wifes shoes. Now I have been married once and she knows the reason my marriage collapsed is because I used to be that a$$hole and cheated on my wife every chance I had. She again kept saying "well, I am not you." And to say the least I am pissed. Pissed that I was not only lied to directly to my face, but now on more then one occasion and only about this dickweed. I have always made the comment that if it happened before I came along, I don't give a sh*t. Once she told me she has slept with somewhere around 15-16 guys I was not about to tell her I have been with 3 times that many women. Bottom line is, no matter my feelings, she doesn't view she has done anything wrong. She thinks having slept with him while he was married was acceptible behavior as well.

I guess at this point what I am trying to figure out is am I being to soft? I know nothing is going on between them in terms of anything "physical." She has a ton of dude friends, which I kind of like. But am I over thinking this? She now refuses to end her friendship with him even after hearing my wishes. What am I to do here? I am pissed beyond belief and I kind of feel betrayed and hurt.

Sorry for the long winded post, but any feedback would be appreciated. Oh yeah, did I mention her dad played football at tOSU...LOL

Killing SCUM just to watch it die!!!!....."De Oppresso Libre"

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BuckeyeSteves said...

Ok, here is my situation and I am in need of some advice.

I am in my mid-30's and am engaged to be married next spring. This is going to be my 2nd marriage. I am with a terrific woman who is a little younger then I (late 20's) and am encountering a problem. Back in May I noticed she was acting a bit odd. Not her positive, free-spirited self. I took as she was having a bad couple of days. Well one night I logged onto my computer and had noticed she left her e-mails up. I did not read a single e-mail, but I noticed the name of a guy she had mentioned to me from her past. This wasn't just a normal guy. They have been friends for over 10 years. This guys is married and has a family. However, apparently he is a deuche bag to his wife and cheats on her like crazy. Included in the cheating was a 2 month affair with my fiance before her and I had even met. I was wondering if her communication with this guy was the reason behind her change of attitude. Low and behold my question was answered for me. She talks in her sleep. And amongst her nightly conversation she was apparently talking to a guy with the same name as her former loverboy. I confronted her about it and she cracked like an egg. She told me the whole reason why she cut ties with him was because he coulnd't separate friendship from wanting to f*ck her all the time. He lives 3 hours away. I asked her if she reached out to him or he reached out to her. She told me he e-mailed her. I told her I thought she was lying (just at an attempt to call her bluff) and turns out she indeed contacted him. She assured me the contexts of there exchange was strictly platonic and told me she would tell him that out of respect for me they couldn't be friends. So I chalked it up as such.

Now fast forward to a couple of days ago. Her and I were sitting on the couch and she happened to lean back while texting on her phone and I noticed a phone # with the area code of where this jackass lives, however his name was conveniently NOT programmed into her phone. So I asked if she has had any contact with him. She looked me straight in the eye and said "No, I haven't.' I went in the other room. About a half hour later, she came into the room where I was and asked me what would prompt me to ask her that. I told her that while she leaned back I saw her phone with the area code of where this a$$hole lives. She then cracked like an egg again. However, this time she informed me that she now doesn't feel texting him is doing anything wrong. She kept ranting and raving about how they have been friends for years and have a lot in common and bs bs bs. I asked her to show me the text messages. She said she had erased them. I found it ironic that she only erased the messages from him, but no one else in her phone from that day. I asked her to put herself in my shoes. Better yet, put herself in her "friends" wifes shoes. Now I have been married once and she knows the reason my marriage collapsed is because I used to be that a$$hole and cheated on my wife every chance I had. She again kept saying "well, I am not you." And to say the least I am pissed. Pissed that I was not only lied to directly to my face, but now on more then one occasion and only about this dickweed. I have always made the comment that if it happened before I came along, I don't give a sh*t. Once she told me she has slept with somewhere around 15-16 guys I was not about to tell her I have been with 3 times that many women. Bottom line is, no matter my feelings, she doesn't view she has done anything wrong. She thinks having slept with him while he was married was acceptible behavior as well.

I guess at this point what I am trying to figure out is am I being to soft? I know nothing is going on between them in terms of anything "physical." She has a ton of dude friends, which I kind of like. But am I over thinking this? She now refuses to end her friendship with him even after hearing my wishes. What am I to do here? I am pissed beyond belief and I kind of feel betrayed and hurt.

Sorry for the long winded post, but any feedback would be appreciated. Oh yeah, did I mention her dad played football at tOSU...LOL

The People's Champion. Live, Breathe, Die Buckeyes.

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